Depression and self harm

You are a girl. A 'nerd' and a 'freak. You're the girl everybody taunts. You
always ask yourself what you did to deserve the torment. You never seem to get an
answer.

You scream over and over to the God you may or may not believe in. Why did you
make me this way. Why would you make me somebody everybody hates so much!? Why did
he make you somebody so...so ugly. You let your mind wonder everyday of every week
of every month of every year.

One day,you wake up. The day seems like all the others,but one thing is different.
You feel dead. You feel heavy and it seems like a chore to live. But despite that
you pull yourself out of bed. You brush your hair. You dress in long sleeves and
jeans every day despite how hot it may be,hiding scars on your legs and arms.

People question you and you reply that you're only cold. They accept it and move
on with their happy day.

Moving along you pulled up your sleeve,locked in your room. You pull out a razor
you got off your pencil sharpener. nobody noticed it missing since you had so many.
You dragged it easily across pale scarred skin. You watch the blood for some time
before covering the cuts with pandages and pulling down your sleeves.

You  put on your shoes,grab your bag,and leave for school.

You catch the bus just in time,ignoring the talk and chatter of the people,but
you're tripped by a jock who laughs. You stand up,not saying and word and sit in the
seat in the front,across from a girl with short brown hair cut in a similar style to
your short hair only your's in dyed black.

You watch her from the corner of your eye. You are a lesbian. She is your frined.
Her name? Karen. You think she's beautiful  and she thinks you're a nice person.

She glances over and smiles at you. You force a smile back. She has no idea you
are suffering since you hide it behind your mask and smile. You look away and watch
out the window. it's December. You watch as it begins to snow. The white perfect flakes
that seem to have no care in the world.

The flakes remind you of an angel's wings. Flawless. Everything you are not. You
continue to lose yourself in your thoughts until you get to school. You get off the bus
and walk inside,ignoring remarks made.

You get to the cafeteria and sit on a set of stares hidden by two walls. Karen sits on
the stair below you. She draws as you watch. You enjoy watching her draw. It's a
moment you can just firget the world and focus on her. But the bell rang and you walked
together down the halls until Kren went to her locker.

You first went to Honors Biology,listening to your teacher talk about genetics and genotypes
and phenotypes. You absently took notes,mind going to your cuts and razor at home. Who would
even miss you,you thought. Karen had other friends to talk to.

The class flew by and next you went to honors geometry. You constructed patterns that day
with only a compus and a straight edge. Once again your mind goes dark,thinking of ways to
kill yourself. The teacher pulls you aside and asks if you're all right. You nod and say you
just feel a bit ill. She lets you go to the nurse to lay down until lunch.

You fell asleep and woke up what felt like seconds later to Karen telling you it was lunch
time. You get off the cot,still drowsy but you follow her. Niether of you get a tray of food.
You go to the same place you had been at breakfast and once again watch her draw.

 You smile very faintly as she draws you. You say she drew you too pretty and she says
it's how you look.

That's when she suddenly whispers"I know you're suffering. Why don't you tell me...?"

You froze,stuttering. How did she know? You broke and she led you to the empty bathroom,
slowly pulling up your sleeves. She hugged you,holding you as you cried into her shoulder.
When you calmed down she showed you her own arms,faint scars there"You're never alone,
okay? I promise,I'm always here for you."

She saved your life and eventually you both stopped self harming,but it took a while,and
you learned she dud infact like you. You dated and were happy. You got help with your
depression and no longer had a longing to die. You would alwats have Karen to thank.